Seeking Him

So so so so so much to catch up on here. Life hurtles ever forward at its unrelenting pace, and my to-do list for one day gets added on exponentially to the days ahead.

Time is a weird thing. Sometimes we think it will automatically change us. That magically we will be different--better--a week, a month, or a year from now.

But it doesn't.

Not without effort. Not without work. Not without a willingness to change ourselves, or to allow the Lord in to change our hearts. Not without a million "now" moments in which we do something now--that we don't want to do, or that we find difficult, or can find a hundred reasons to put off--in order to gain more willpower and strength for the next now moment and thus for the days and weeks ahead.

Sometimes I look back and think about whatever version of myself existed several weeks or months ago. Sometimes I am tempted to think, Wow, I really didn't know anything then, did I? But I did. Today's knowledge does not render yesterday's efforts utterly useless. Today's experience does not mean that we knew nothing before. We may not have known a particular thing, but that hardly means that we knew nothing.

The key is to try. To grow. To use each day's new knowledge and experience to be even smarter and better for the next day's challenges. It isn't about knowing everything right now. It is about learning in tiny, minuscule, sometimes imperceptible steps so that in a week, or month, or year from now we have changed and progressed. Not magically. But because we have had more moments where we were willing to work and try than moments where we put the important things off once again.

Oh I how I hope that the need to seek a power and a wisdom beyond my own can be planted and buried forever in my heart. I hope that I can try and try and try and manage to not get frustrated when my trying seems in vain. I want to trust that the Lord, if I can let Him, will make so much more of me than I can make of myself. I want to receive His wisdom, love, and approval...to give myself permission to learn and to grow as He has. To allow myself time to change. To see my own potential as He does.

 Wise men still seek Him. Every day, every hour, every minute.

Oh Lord, let us be wise.