On My Side

Sometimes when you are living your life and trying hard to feel happy and fulfilled in doing everything that is required of you, a giant challenge comes along that you never, ever anticipated. And sometimes that challenge requires more of you--physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally--than you feel you actually have the capacity to give. Sometimes you wake up wanting to cry almost almost every day because of the weight upon you and because of the enormous and unfriendly feeling of inadequacy that has settled in your gut. You are not sure how you will get through the first half of the day, let alone through the many days and weeks and months that stretch ahead uncounted in front of you. Sometimes you miss your old life, even though you barely have time to think about how it used to be. Sometimes you have a moment of triumph in which you finally feel that you able to give all that is necessary for you to give. Other times you want to curl up and wave the white flag of surrender, and admit to yourself and the world that you are ready to give up, that you cannot go on, that you cannot handle one more second of what is now your new responsibility.

But thankfully, miraculously, mercifully, those are often the moments when the friends and loved ones who are on your side, who have been continually supporting you, and loving you, and encouraging you, step in to rally around you--praying for your comfort and strength, lending an ear and some much-needed validation, and telling you that you are not alone and that you can indeed do what is being asked of you.

And thankfully, miraculously, mercifully, they are also the moments when you see in your chosen partner, your husband and companion, your help-meet and best friend, a steadiness and helpfulness and an understanding that, while it is not surprising, you didn't quite grasp that he had stored up for times like this. They are the moments when the term "on my side," takes on an entirely new meaning as you realize just how on your side he is, how willing to support, and listen, and help you, and do anything for you, because he knows how hard it is and how hard you are trying. And you know that while he cannot take it away, he will do everything required to get you through the darkness of your sad and scary tunnel, shining his bright and loving light to help you through to the other side.

Sometimes you are married to Craig. And you know that somehow, whatever the crisis, with his help and with his love, everything is going to be okay.