Sisterly Advice

Savanna, with her very loving and accepting nature, tries to be a friend to everyone. The majority of her friendly feelings are well received and often reciprocated, which is a blessing since she has such a sensitive, tender heart. She does have one friend in particular, though, who is more of a frenemy than a friend, and with whom there are commonly several disputes within the course of a week. This friend, L, has a sharp tongue and is quick to anger, which usually results in Savanna being called names and/or being threatened with withdrawals of friendship. Craig and I have repeatedly urged Savanna to take a step back from this relationship in order to protect her own feelings. Savanna, though, insists that L's feelings would be hurt if she did so, and pretty much refuses to separate herself from her.

Upon hearing of yet another incident in which L said some ugly things to Savanna, I tried once again to talk her into taking some action to protect herself. What I was telling Savanna was clearly not resonating with her, so Julia decided to take matters in her own big sister hands.

"Savanna. This needs to stop. L is not being a good friend. You need to tell her that you will not be her friend anymore; that there are consequences to the way she has been treating you."

Per usual, Savanna resisted. But Julia persevered:

"We are going to do this on Monday after school. You are going to tell L: 'L, I am not going to be your friend anymore. You say mean things to me and there are consequences.' Now we are going to practice saying it. I will be L and you be you."

Savanna proceeded to repeat back Julia's mantra. And Julia made her say it again. And again. And again.

This all transpired last week and, as far as I know, this exchange between Van and L has yet to take place. Savanna incidentally hasn't come home with any more harrowing stories about L, but I think that is more coincidence than anything.

What I really love about this story isn't that Savanna miraculously doesn't have issues with L anymore. Nor is it that Julia managed to give Savanna a flawless piece of advice. No, what I really love about this story is that Julia is, somehow, suddenly mature enough to be a caring big sister who, despite her sometimes inadequate affections towards Savanna, still cares enough about her to try to protect her from the pain of a difficult friendship. I love that Julia is finally feeling a protectiveness towards Savanna that I have never really witnessed before. And, of course, I love the contradictory big sister sentiment that Julia herself can treat Savanna however she likes, but if other people try anything like that, they better just back off.

Because, what else are big sisters for, if not to put the "mentor" in "tormentor"?